Relationships in the Modern Era

Relationships in the Modern Era is an episode full of authentic gems with my amazing featured special guest Campus Minister Trevon Gross of Hope Cathedral in New Jersey.  We dive head first into hot topics surrounding important aspects of dating culture from the feminine and masculine perspective like expectations, how to identify red flags, how to be intimate, and how to honor your position whether single, dating, or married.  We unpacked highly debated disconnects that social media presents to reality.  This episode is jam packed full of intention filled guidance on how to navigate remaining true to oneself during the modern era of dating. As always, do what works best for you, but always take what you need. This is arguably my best episode yet.  I hope you enjoy!

Blessings to you and yours.

With Peace & Love,
ThaPrettyRebel

Transcript

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Welcome back to Krowned culture, the podcast tonight. We're going to discuss relationships in the modern era. And today I actually have a special guest with me. It's an honor to be here. He's so modest. He's great. Minister Trevon gross. He also is a fellow podcaster and Super helpful with all the technology because your girl, don't be knowing. She's doing just fine. I do what I can to help. Certainly has a great team here as well to make it all happen. So that's also appreciative, but it's an honor to be here. Thank you for allowing me in your space. This is, I would say is the most comfortable pod I've ever done. So I'm happy to be here for that. I'm excited. We love that. It's gonna be good. Yeah, he loves to help people, you know, find a path back to themselves, kind of what we do here, how we can better themselves. In a lot of ways, there's a lot of similarity. So a little background about me. First off, I serve as a campus minister at my home church, Hope Cathedral. Along with that, I am an entrepreneur through and through. So I truly love, helping people in any way that I can. I run two companies. First is my non profit, coaching business, Craft Your Dream, where I help people. Build their faith and master their craft. And then I have my production company, Ten Media, where I basically just, help people look good. But yeah, so, you know, I enjoy it. I love being here. I love podcasting. I love the art just because it's a great way to get your message out to people. And so today we're talking about relationships. Yeah, I'm excited. I think we're gonna bring a lot of value to people. Now, I know, I just know you didn't start this episode about relationships and did not mention the fact that he's recently married. Yes. As of like, last weekend. Shout out to wifey, she's in the house. Yes, my wifey is here. Joy Groce is in the building with me. So, for sure, anytime you see me, she is right there. I love that. I can tell you that right now. That's how she is. But yeah, no. Recently got married. Yeah. Best decision of my life. Yeah. Found my good thing and got out of the streets. Oh my God. Oh my God. Thank God I got out of there. Yes, because the streets are treacherous, I hear. Well. They, they're tough. They're tougher, I think, than it's ever been. But I do think, and I was thinking about this as we were, preparing for the episode. Relationships are actually one of the, in my opinion, is the only area where I think people give up too easily. And the reason why I say that is because, you know, we can have a bad experience with money, but we don't say, I'll never make money again. We can have a bad experience with our job. We're not going to say I'll never have a job again. Right. But it's only in relationships where we have a bad experience with a person where we enter into these absolutes. I'll never be in a relationship again. I'll never do this. I'll never do that. And I think it limits us a lot because ultimately. I mean, depending on how you want to look at it, from a spiritual perspective, you can just say, well, God said that man should not be alone, right? We saw that in the creation story. But even on a practical sense, it's a numbers game. There's billions of people out on the earth, so even if you, dated ten people, you still haven't even scratched the surface of what's really out there., and then of course you deal with social media involved and how it can make things look a way. Talk about it. But hey, you know, it's... I would say you get what you put into it when it comes to, relationships and dating and stuff like that. Yeah. And I just think, the modern era, I don't even know where to start. Like, it's almost like I just have a mouthful of words and I just, I want them to all come out at once because I just feel like it's so multifaceted. I feel like. Understanding being relational and to your point of God created us to be relational in nature. He didn't create one woman to be alone. He didn't create one man to be alone. And so I think when we start to unpack this, we might ruffle a little feathers. Listen, I came here to ruffle feathers. I didn't come here to just have a normal PC conversation. And the reason why I say that, I say it jokingly, but we have to be honest. We do. Like we have to be honest about it and that's from A male's perspective, right? Like, I, I'm not a woman. So I can't, there's certain things I can speak to, there's certain things that I just simply can't. But there's also, and the same thing vice versa. But we have to be honest if we're actually gonna fix anything. Right? Because again, everyone's saying it's bad. It isn't just women saying it's bad. Fellas are saying the exact same thing. But again, if we're gonna actually fix it, we gotta actually be honest. We can't keep having these conversations where it sounds really good, everyone is... Into it, but then no one does anything different. Agreed. Right? But everyone wants to be in a relationship, but no one does anything different. Nobody wants to do the work. Yeah. Exactly. Right. And that's the root of all of it, honestly. It is. Because relationships are work. Yeah. They are. I can tell you. Yeah. And so, I guess, so how this episode really birthed was, I was sitting in the hair shop as, It's non cliche as I'm trying to be right now, but I was really just sitting in the hair shop and I was getting my hair done. We were having an open, honest dialogue with the hairstylist and the barbers in the place. There were two barber chairs that were on the other side and there was a young woman, you know, she was telling a little bit of her story. Looking in retrospect, it might have been too much, but she was telling us about, how she was seeing this guy, and, you know, she didn't really want to have his kids, so, you know, I'm like, okay, but if you dated him, and you're intimate with him, you have to understand that there is some type of Possibility that you could have this man's child, right? So did that thought not crossed your mind? So that was like my first. Okay, red flag. All right, so then she keeps talking and she just you know, good and going and just says, yeah, I just had an abortion and like didn't even flinch. No flinches. No flinches. She was really giving it up. She just in the public bar, but just giving it. Okay. I was like, Okay. So then the, so this is really what like kind of broke my neck was like the barber, one of the gentlemen asked her like, so if you never had any abortions, how many kids would you have? Cause it was getting to that point. Okay. Okay. And she says four. Oh wow. She says I flushed another guy's twins down the drain. Wee. Bye. I kid you not. So I'm like, okay, that's a very sacred experience to be with child, to you know, make the decision. Hey, maybe I'm not equipped to do this right now, but most people kind of walk through this experience, but like, she was just kind of like numb. That's scary. Like, that's, that is, that is, that's, that's scary on a number of levels. On a number of levels that's scary. I'll start with just from a man's perspective. Yeah. That is scary. Yeah. And the reason why I say that is because ultimately most men, what do they care about? Legacy. Right? They care about legacy. And so we're in a time now where wherever you fall in the abortion debate as a Christian, like I know where I stand on it just because what the Bible says. But we're in a time now where. There are women that behave that way, where it is just like as easy as what grocery store you go to, I'm gonna go get an abortion or whatever. And so that's a scary thing as a man, when you're actually trying to build something, you want to actually build something of significance. And you want to have a partner. And so it's like when that's on the table and it's like a real easy accessible option. Yeah. That's a scary thing. And then on top of that is like. One you got another situation where she's just giving up all the business in the shop, right? And it's like cool. I get it. Like you should have people you share, you know your relationship with but like There's certain spaces where you don't necessarily give it all up, bro. Is there any like is there any shame? I'm not saying you have to, but like you getting up, like you getting past two and three, like you him, like you knocking on four's door. And so I'm just, as a woman, it's like, I'm very intentional about everything that I do. Even down to the gentlemen, like that I'm, I'm dealing with, like, I'm very intentional. So I'm just wondering, like, you run that risk. If you, if you don't like the characteristics or qualities that he possesses. You understand that your intimacy with him, you can produce his child with the same characteristics, qualities, and then you're looking him in the eyes, your son in the eyes, with the father's characteristics, and now you hate the son. Like it, it has this revolving door effect, which is unhealthy. It's, poisonous to our culture because it's like, where does toxicity end in healthy nature start? How do we foster these healthy relationships? I don't, I don't think we really understand as a people and it's not just our people because I think in, a total, people are not as relational anymore because they're just like, well, I got my money. I got my bag, you know, it keeps me warm at night, even though I will say money do keep you warm at night. I mean, money helps, money helps, but, but when you in trouble. And you ain't got nobody to call. I called Jesus. Yeah, but Jesus, as far as I'm concerned, he ain't coming down on that one request. Like, when you home alone... And you just in that big old bed, you got the nice high thread count, but you still just by yourself, this, that's still right. And we, we went through an entire pandemic where people live that, right? So it's like, cool, get your bag. Right. Like any real man wants their girl to get a bag, but there are just some qualities that a man's going to be able to bring that are irreplaceable. And in the same way, vice versa, there are qualities that a woman can bring into a man's life that are irreplaceable back to just what we said earlier about. How we need each other, right? In order for any society to grow, you need men and you need women. But to even go back to what you had said about, you know, where does the line of toxicity stop? And where does healthy living start? I think it all boils down to accountability. It all boils down to decision making, because if we were to use the young lady that you had mentioned in your story, in your example. It's the decision to even be intimate, right? Like, you have to at least be, uh, hold yourself accountable to, like you said, the possibility that, okay, if you engage in sex, a baby can happen, right? Like, whether you use a condom, whether you use the IUD, whether you're on birth control, it's still on the table, right? So you gotta be able to hold yourself accountable to... What can happen, right? And again, we're not I'm not even talking about in the sense of like telling you what to do What not to do but the reality is you should be able to look at your own decisions as a grown adult Yeah, and be able to say okay, this could happen or this can happen. Am I okay with either? Am I okay with that one versus the other right? It all goes down to decision making It's just how you want to live your life. Yeah, right because and that happens a lot where There isn't a level of accountability on either side and there's this blame game. Well, I'm in this position because of The man I'm dealing with, I'm in this position because she didn't blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, no, let's just talk about what you did first. Because that's ultimately how you, that, to me, that's healthy living. Like healthy living is transparent living, right? If I'm able to really evaluate my decisions and be comfortable with them, right? Where I'm not like making a decision, but in my spirit I'm really disruptive. Even though I know I shouldn't be doing, I'm not really as comfortable, whatever it is. But I go through with it, then I'm dealing with the consequences. Now I'm blaming everybody else around me because I got consequences that are coming from my poor decision making. Like, that's just not the way to live. So do you think that the way that society, like how we kind of shape our standards or I would say the most, a majority. Because what I've experienced and what I've heard is just, I've heard an array of things. And I'm wondering if it has to do with like the modern idolization of celebrities and their relationships. I think to me, like that's not realistic, right? Mm-Hmm. like, I think you looking at, this is a terrible example'cause the timing is bad, but like, you're looking at a, a Diddy and a Isha, right? Ooh. You're looking at, you know, I'm like, that's a horrible, you's a horrible thing, but whoa. You look at, you look at these D and they're like, well, I'm fine with accepting the fact that I'm not the only one. You know, as long as he make money and give it to me. To me, that's crazy. Like from real talk, from a woman's perspective, you're dating a man. And I think I came to this, like, I think I had this conversation with one of my homegirls the other day and I just was like, I wouldn't, I've never used a man like I've never actually used them. You never got a free meal. No. If I do not like you, you will, no. You are in the minority. You are in the minority. You ain't never just got a free meal. I don't like that. I laugh at that only because I've heard from multiple of my friends that are women. They're like, well, I was hungry, so I just text so and so. I was, and it's like, as the homie, I can't be mad because it makes sense. Like, I get the logic. But that's why men are acting the way that they're acting. Why would I, why would I go out and spend money on you and take you to Maestro's or take you to somewhere nice if you're just sitting here, I don't even know who like me for real. Well yeah, if you talking like Maestro's and stuff like that, then yeah. But some women like come, like maybe come Oh, I, I, this is my standard. That's not your standard. That's, and I get there are some women who, they typically you know, they won't go to Applebee's. They will not go to Cheesecake Factory. That's okay. They are bugged out. It's okay if that's their thing, but it's just like, to me, it's like, you know, just like a woman has to discern whether this man is safe to explore, you have to give a man the opportunity and the space to do that as well. That's 100%. So let me ask you, how do you, from a woman's perspective, how do you determine whether a man is safe? How do you determine whether a man is worth, I guess, investing into? So... This is the, to me this is the easy no brainer answer, but my discernment, my spiritual discernment is like crazy. Like it's like, and I'm, and that's because I spent so much time in isolation with God to like really consecrate and like spent, no, he will tell me if something is off, if my spirit is off, if I feel like I'm having a conversation and it's not that he not giving me the right answers back, but it's just like the mannerisms, the feedback, you're, are you in, are you into me? Like, you don't have to be, cause I think sometimes women, we as women want you to be like. Texting me, texting me five, every five seconds, but it's like, that's your ego, right? Your ego want this man to blow your phone up. But a healthy love, a safe love is like, he's still gonna be here. You're still gonna be over here, I'm still gonna be over there. And it's, it's not, I'm not talking about like check ins, right? Cause when you're more, when you get closer and more in relationship, deeper into relationship with a person. I feel like that is where, you know, my spiritual discernment really turns me away from a lot of people. All right. Yeah. Like that's, and that's just self work. Like to your point of like work, like it's just like self work that I'm like, I'm. That's a red flag, and I'm not overlooking red flag. It's not pink. It's not orange. It's not yellow I'm not sitting here like playing with you in that sense now if you prove me wrong Right cuz maybe my spirit ain't really ever been wrong cuz it's God giving baby but If you prove me wrong Then you know what I'm saying. I feel like We can explore it, but no, I like that. That's, that's really how I got No, it's so spiritual discernment. All right. I like that. That's what it's, I like that. You gotta listen for God, you gotta listen for God in everything that you do. Nah. That's a fact. That, see, and if you incorporate him in your daily living on a consistent basis, your decision making, everything that you do, it'll even change the people that surround you. Mm-Hmm. It'll change the people that pursue you.'cause you'll have men that'll be like, Mm-Hmm. I'm not coming to, I'm not coming to her with no mess. You know what I'm saying? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not presenting you with no mess. So if you not a game, you won't be played with. Not well, I will say even just from, you know, with my marriage now, like that's literally, my wife was on that type of time. Like anyone that knows my wife for sure. That's exactly why. Cause you know, I knew that I knew her well enough for even from afar. Okay. You don't, she's not one to just, you know. I gotta become correct if I'm gonna approach her. you know, quick funny story. When me and her first even started talking, I wasn't even trying to shoot my shot, originally. Like, I just, so I like to debate. I can argue with the best of them. I love me a good argument, for sure. I argue with the best of them. I can, I can create a fact. But, you know, she had posted something on, um, on Instagram, and it was a good topic, so I just, you know, debate, debate, debate, debate. And we end up talking, and like, two weeks into it, she's like, and we're talking, we're talking like, you know, from sun up, sun down. FaceTime, text, the whole nine, right? Just sharing. And then, she hits me with an okie doke. She's like, so what are we doing here? Period. What are we now granted granted i'm just living with you to look like i'm just like You know, I found someone I like I like this woman like, you know I mean and i'm praying myself like okay, is this like god is is this my wife, you know Um, but she put the screws to me. She said what are we doing? What are we doing? And I told her straight up I don't know. I ain't think that far ahead. Straight, well, because of course, like, I was honest. Like, I was honest in saying, like, hey, I didn't, I wasn't expecting to be here, but, I'll go back in my prayer closet and figure it out. But, long story less long, fast forward maybe three days after that conversation, I was like, alright, I'm shooting my shot. I like you. And now here we are married, so. And that's, and but see, I think that that was a great small microcosm of, like, even the importance of the male and The woman in the relationship where God gives a man vision, but a woman is really going to help you execute that vision. Right. You know what I'm saying? So she's like doing that maintenance check. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, so as the man, as the head, the woman is the neck and she kind of gave you that, like, all right. And she also was testing to see if you as the man had vision, because I think a lot of times men. I'm not gonna submit to you if you can't lead me You know, so I think that's what women are trying to get at when they're like plan a date, right? Like plan something special for me and it's not to be grandiose, but I think it's just a woman's way I wouldn't say that the way it's channeled in today's time Is as well because I think sometimes it gets misconstrued But I think it's a woman's way of testing like do you have? Vision and can you lead me and would I be willing to follow where you lead me? Because if you like I wasn't thinking that far You know, cause a real, a man's like, alright, I might not have been thinking that far, but I'm going to figure it out. Right. Right. Cause I got a, I got somebody with me. Well, I think, I think, I think where there's a disconnect, right? Cause I hear that a lot. Women want to be led. They want to be led. They gotta be. But. There are a lot of different forms of leadership. So I think like, if I were to, if I were to get in women's business for a second. Alright, we'll let you. Please, thank you, thank you. Set me into the club for a second. There's a lot of different forms of leadership, right? So, to, at least in the dating stage, you hear, I want him to plan the date. I want him to plan the date, right? Depending on his personality, that just might not be his form of leadership, right? He might tell you, yo, you plan it. I'll pay for it. I'll pick you up. I'll do handle all the logistics, right? It's just a different form of leadership because leaders like real leaders empower other people. So he may just be empowering. Now again, I'm not saying, you know, he should never plan a date or nothing like, I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying if the benchmark of, I got to know if this man is going to leave me is if he plans the date, To me that's not the most effective indicator. Yeah, right because again, there's a lot of different forms of leadership yeah, and I think in the name of planning a date, I think is You just gotta make sure a man cares Because of you know, I think that's what it comes down to so even if a man says I guess it's what works for you. I will preface that, but I know for me,, yeah, I got to know you care. I got to know you, you at least taking the time to learn the things that I like. That's so like, I got to make sure you listening to me, that you're incorporating it's in a small details. Like people think it's like these grandiose gestures. Cause you see, like, let me hold on. Let me pause because I just feel like women expect. Celebrity gifts and relationships from regular men that make like, he's a teacher, nothing wrong with being a teacher, but he's a teacher. He might be a mechanic, you know, he might have a trade, but like he's a regular person and you're expecting the black XL car to come pick you up. Um, the. Three dozen long stem roses and it's like you're not even allowing for this man to develop his romantic romanticization. Is that a word? Well, it, we will work with it today. It works. We'll take it. Yeah, we gonna work with it. Yeah. But even, but you're not even allowing him to romance you. Like, you know what I'm saying? You're not even allowing that to build up. You're not even allowing. So that's what I think, that's what I mean in, in the name of,'cause you are also, as the woman being present in his life, you're supposed to inspire him to be his best self. Oh, for sure. The best man. For sure. And when you kind of propel him in that direction, then you'll see the romance. Then you'll see his love for you, your friendship kind of bloom and blossom. Yeah. I don't think people wait around for that, to your point of why people leave. I think even to, to the point you said, right, like that is, a lot of women, I understood that just, a lot of women are looking for material affection. Yes. Right, where, again, like, they want the things. Right to indicate whether or not they're listening whereas to your point the real thing is is he listening to you when you say? You know you like doing this you your hobby is this whatever it is But even on the man's part one a man actually has to be listening. Yes, but two and this is good advice for the fellas Fellas When it comes to dates, yeah, lock you in a solid two or three dates that are just timeless that are always going to work Yeah, that's it. Yeah, and especially at least on the first one. Yeah, the first one get like template it Yeah, and then the second and third you plan based on how the conversation yeah, because again I'm a firm believer and sometimes you've got to play the game life ain't fair sometimes so If you're a man and you want to be in a relationship, play the game. If these women want you to be the leader, macho man and plan a date, bet. Template you three dates. Alright, this restaurant over here on that street, this restaurant over there on that street. Boom, I know the manager, I'm gonna make the call so I can look fly, boo. You template it, so that way you get the look and you get a chance to have the conversation. That's just my opinion. It works for me. Cause a woman won't ever forget her first date. For sure. She won't. For sure. I sure won't forget mine. Ha ha ha. Shout out to Joyful. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to Joyful. I know we've kind of talked a little bit about kind of like those expectations. But I'm just wondering, where's the disconnect in reality? I know I've said you know, you expect in rapper, get like rappers, he's not a little baby. He's not a money bag. Yo. And you want him to come and do all these things. So like, where is the disconnect, in reality and dating? Well, I think it is to your point, the expectations, right? Like there are men who expect their woman to cook clean and Everything like that at home and be submissive and everything like that when the truth is they're not focusing on being a man That's worth being submitted to right as number one now on the women's side They're expecting again the rapper the send me on this trip fly me out Do this do that and the other when the truth is the economy isn't even gonna allow that on both sides The economy is just not going to allow it like And that's just practical, right? So I'm not even gonna get like super deep spiritual. Like, let's just think practically for a second. Practically. Both sides, or at least from the woman's perspective of the man to have a bag, do all these things. Yeah. Right? It's very difficult for there to even be one income households anymore, so if it's impossible to be one income households anymore We're now basically the woman has to work which again. That's not the man's fault. It's just the economy That's just where we're at homes need two incomes to even function right so that creates a disconnect Where it's like women are expecting their man to? Make six figures. It's hard making six figures. It is. And there's like maybe 6 percent of men and I think it's lower than that. It is lower than that. Wow. It's lower than that. You're talking like three, 4 percent especially. No. Well, you tell me what we're saying. Yeah. Okay. But the whole men is 6%. Oh, of all the, of black men, I'm pretty sure that that's 2%. It's either two or three. It might be, but, but it's a super, super small population. And so it's like, again, it. And social media plays a role in all of this, right? When you think about expectations, but it's, to me, it is, again, the disconnect where men are focusing on the wrong thing, where again, men should be focusing on, okay, let me be a man that's worth being submitted to, but then women should also be focusing on the self development piece that we mentioned earlier. So that way they're able to be found. So I'm glad that you actually said that cause I want to piggyback off of that. And I'm probably going. Really make a few women mad when I say this. Come on, give it up. Give it up. Get them mad. They need truth. Bro, though, stop expecting a man to do something for you that you cannot do for yourself. Stop. Like, stop. Like, if you expecting a man to have his own house, his own car, no kids, you should have your own house, your own car, and no kids. And I mean that as serious as I say it. Because, it's just like, you might meet a man when he's on his way up, right? He might not be at his destination. He might be just on his, you know, still on his journey. That's okay. If that's where you are, exactly. So it's like sometimes when you meet. When you meet your man or your Boaz, check that, Boaz and Ruth in the Bible, um, when you meet your Boaz, it's like sometimes you have to stay down until y'all both come up. And so sometimes you might not meet your man where he's meant to be, but it's your job as the woman to help him get to where God needs him to go. And that's okay, but I just feel like sometimes people don't understand that aspect. I think women, we as women, we're like, I want him, he need to be the top executive and he need to be at the top suite and doing all these things. And it's like, if you're at the top suite and you're the top executive, that's fine. But it also means sometimes too, that maybe God is. Teaching you humility. Maybe God needs you to come down off your high horse a little bit so you can help someone else Right and it's okay and look I lived in a household where For all of my life my mother always made more than my father. Mm hmm. She never hung it over his head She actually she never I've never heard my mom disrespect my dad. He always made the final decisions, but he didn't have his degree when they met My mom would sit at the computer Got him, help him get into school, help him to get his degree. And now my dad, the joint, he's like, that's your degree, but his name is on it. You know what I'm saying? So that's what I saw. Yeah, and that's what I mean when sometimes you just going to have to like really get down in the trenches with the person That you love and the person that you call your partner in life That's a fact and I would even add to like to the just fixing all of it It's really getting real with just everything right honestly. I won't go high spiritual, but just let's go practical for a second Sure, right like number one. You got to understand that women filter and men choose Those that's just a fact. That's just how it is Women are able to filter the man that Choose them, right? So you kind of have your pick whereas men, they actually have to go out and choose. That's the whole thing of shooting your shot and everything like that, right? So it's just understanding that fact. Now, I'm not discouraging women from shooting your shot. Yeah, you might have to do that from time to time. I'm not in the dating streets like I used to be. But from my understanding, like I said, Women filter, men choose. Yeah, but then secondly, it's also just getting real about your own personal situation. I'm not saying this to Talk bad about anybody. I'm not saying this to discourage nobody, but you do have to be just honest about your situation. Right? Like for me, I'll talk about me. Then, I'll generalize it. Right. So for me, I am tall entrepreneur, ex athlete, right? Those are some pretty good PK now. To some people, those are like three red flags. I was about to say, because they could actually play. Right? They could change like, that could be a red flag. Yeah, like those are three red flags. I'm an entrepreneur, so they're going to say, Oh, he's just a dreamer who ain't going to make no money. I'm an ex athlete, so they're going to say, Oh, you just probably had a whole list of hoes and had a whole roster and everything like that. Yeah. And then I'm a PK, so that just means I just live life wild. Yeah, yeah. That's the stereotypes, right? Yeah. So I have to make sure I approach all my conversations with that in mind. So like I'm intentionally disproving them when I have to now. It's also, I have to be honest about just basic things. Yeah. My physical appearance, right? I can't be overweight talking about, you know, well, I need a man to do that. I need a girl that's going blah, blah, blah, blah. If I look busted and disgusted. Right. Right. And again, and I don't even say it like that because I might be too hard for somebody. If I don't love myself. Physically, if I'm not there, then I shouldn't even be focusing on a relationship at that point. Right? At a certain point. Like obviously all this is variable, we're talking about an absolute. Yeah. But, I, but that's just one example. But you gotta be real. You gotta be real about, you know, where you're at with your emotional health. Be real with where you're at,, mentally, like where you're at, just life in your career. Mm. Right? So that way you're actually presenting the real you when it comes to dating. Mm-Hmm. right? Mm-Hmm. As opposed to, well, I'm not even gonna look at my stuff, but I know what I'm going out to look for.'cause that's what I believe I need. And how do you even have a valid blueprint if you don't even know yourself? You don't even know what you need. Most people date based upon what they want. Not what they need And now I think that's a part of this connect too, because I know for me, I'm very traditional. Like I'm like, how you was like, you don't got to be cooking. I do that for fun. Okay. I cook, I clean, I enjoy just doing running errands, whatever. So whatever man that I'm with, I know that he really is going to have to send the DM. I hope y'all hear what she's saying. You got to hear what she's saying. Oh Lord. Don't, listen. They be acting crazy already. I don't need extra. I said filter. I said women filter. You filter through it. That don't be sitting there. If you send a DM, it's going to be sitting there. For me. For other women, send it. For other women. Not me. Yeah. What? Girl, what? We'll deal with it after the clock. That's correct. I have to leave my man on the doorstep like, like he do the stork, the babies. That's what we tell them when they first get born. Yeah, this is when I leave my man like that. Girl, that ain't going to work. No. You better read them. dms at least respond and say hi. Hello. Okay. So you know, the disconnect with reality. Do you think that that kind of fosters? a distrust in the current environment that we're in. I feel like there's a very blanketed lack of trust in the environment. For sure. For sure. But it's just because people, one, in my opinion, don't really understand what being in a relationship takes. But the thing is, especially with social media, there are a whole lot more options. Ooh, cyber. There's a whole lot more options. Cyber and fidelity. Well, yeah, cool. Cause I mean, we the same age. You remember when Instagram first came out? Man. What? Talk about MySpace though, was you? I was on MySpace. I was on MySpace. Listen, before I was saved. But, nah, like, there's, there was, there's, you went from, you know, before it was, alright, somebody in your town, somebody you might have went, you know, we hoop, so you might go, you know, over, so you might meet somebody after the game, that type of thing. It went from that, to where it was just like local, in your state, to wait, I could be having a conversation with, in my case, a girl all the way over there, I could talk to. Them and and I was back in the day when they even have dms on instagram. You had to comment underneath the picture You had to go back 86 weeks Comment the number and pray you would get a text soon. Like that was you can see dms you guys see look anyway anyway, anyway, anyway, but There are way more options. So like the reality is I can understand why it's harder to trust, but ultimately in anything, you just got to do it. It's difficult. It's work. It is work to actually, build trust. And so it's just a willingness to go through the process. Right. And the same way you would build trust, if you're trying to build a brand. It takes work. If you're trying to build trust in a friendship, it takes work. Right. And it also takes experiences. It takes experiences. That's why I responded the way I did when you were like, you ain't even responding to the DM or whatever, but it's like you need those experiences to actually decide if you're willing to take the half step forward. Right. Whereas before, when there weren't as many options, you'd be more willing to take a full step. You'd be willing to take two steps, three steps, four steps, five steps at a time. Whereas now, like I said, the reality is there's way more options. I could go from, okay, I like her. Wait a minute, there's another one over there that I like too. Right? If I'm a single man, I'm sure it's the same thing vice versa. So, rather than finding the strength personally to take the one whole step, find enough strength to at least take half a step. Right? And give yourself those experiences. So, I'm going to sum up what he just said in one word. It comes down to discipline. It comes down to discipline. If you're with somebody, If you can't even have the discipline to say, Okay, I'm going to wake up in the morning, I'm going to go to church, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to go to the gym. If you don't even have the discipline to hold yourself to those small things, how you think you're going to have the discipline to tell a woman, a gorgeous woman, might not be your woman at the time, but You can't tell her no. Like, how do you expect to say no, you know what I'm saying? Like, you can't even challenge yourself, because that's what I challenge my levels of discipline. I'm like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. And I just hold myself to see, like, how I was able to fare in the day. Yeah. As a man, as a woman, because, I mean, women, like, we're beautiful. Dudes are always, you know, in our DMs, how you doing, da da da da. I'm not talking about nothing. Me personally, that's mine. That's part of the problem, but go ahead. But they don't be talking about nothing. I can be honest, like, I can weed it out. I can weed it out. You know what I'm saying? So I just feel like it just comes down to this space of I think that's where trust is able to be blind. Like you're able to, if I can blindly trust you to tackle whatever you, matter of fact Do what you say you're going to do. Like be a man of your word. Right. And then that allows me to see like if you holding yourself to those standards, I can get with you. And I think even another practical point to even flip how you just said it is if you are dating someone or looking to date someone, ask them about their habits. Right ask them about what they do on a day to day. Yeah, you mentioned, Things like going to go into the gym going to church consistently like things like that That will be an indicator and that's the thing too. You gotta be able to look at something, but really look at the source of it. You gotta really look at the foundation of a thing. So like, if you're able to look at that man, that woman, and say, Okay, she does this consistently. She is, you know, super involved. She is always in the gym. She is always in church. Yeah, you can't look at those, especially when you're in the dating phase or where you're, you know, shooting your shot, whatever it is, just talking, you got to be able to look at the heart of that and be like, okay, that person does have a level of discipline to your right. Like if they're like, well, you know, barely go to church sometimes when I feel like it, or, I mean, I go to the gym, like when I start seeing things that I don't like, like that is an indicator that, okay, this person might not have the level of discipline because again, the reality is, There are way more options. Yeah. Like, I can tell you from first hand experience, I'm tall, dark, handsome. It's not like I'm just blind to women. Right. Right? But it's because I, I've built my discipline up to the point where it's, it's very easy to say no. Yeah. But I've, I had to work towards that. Right. Right? When I was immature, when there's immature men, it's harder to say no to those types of things. And that's where those habits, it's important that people... Look at those habits, so that way they build up the strength to, again, sustain and do the work that's necessary in a relationship. Yeah, because if you, if you chase after women harder than you chase after your goals. Big, big, big red flag. You know what I'm saying? Like you have to really, and I think it's a pursuit of self, right? Like, cause once you pursue yourself in a relentless way, that inspires whoever you're with, whoever you come in contact with, whoever you're connected to, to then. Relentlessly chase after themselves. May I preach for a second? So, here's the thing. Let me go spiritual for you. So, when God created the Earth, He created Adam from the dirt, right? And it wasn't until He gave Adam an assignment, and Adam did the assignment, Did God give him Eve and so to even your point That's a biblical principle of the fact is you should be chasing after whatever it is God has called you to because when you chase after what God has called you to the person that you are supposed to be with Will present themselves to you. So yeah, you may be in a season where you're intentionally trying to work on your love life Right, but you ultimately want to be making sure that you're chasing after God. What have you called me to do? What is my assignment? right because Me as a man the right woman will find you right and because I was very clear on my assignment what you mean? No, no What he who finds the Wi Fi is a good thing 100 percent but here's what I'm saying Oh, here's what I said when I say when I say that she'll find you I more so mean that So as a man, using my story as an example, I know very clearly what I'm called to do. I'm very clear in, okay, I'm called to lead people to Christ and I'm called to help people with their goals. Very clear in that. And I was able to communicate that to my wife. Just like, this is going to happen with or without you or with anyone else. Right? And so it's because I speak with that confidence and I do the work. That's important too. It's a two sided thing. I'm doing the work and handling my assignment. Because she's called to me. She, there wasn't a thought of, Oh, he's taking me to Cheesecake. Oh, we're not going to here. Oh, he's not doing this for me. Oh, he didn't pay my rent this month. It wasn't any of that. Right, right. Because again, the same God that's in me is in her. And so when I guess I found her and we started talking, she had enough God in her to discern. Okay, that's a vision I can get behind. That's a man that I can submit to. But it wasn't until I developed myself as a man to, again, like I mentioned earlier. Develop myself to be a man that's worth submitting to. Yep. But I'm also clear on my assignment. Even now that we're married, I'm still focused on my assignment because I know as long as I handle my assignment, God's going to take care of everything else. Yeah. As opposed to I change, I interchange my assignment with my marriage. Yeah. Now, everything's going to go... Out of whack. Right. And so, when you think about, you know, relationships, and there's me preaching now. Ha, ha, ha. Go after your assignment. Like, relationships, I think, are one of those things that people overthink it. Like, it's, it's really not that hard if you're willing to work at it. If you're willing to understand the reality that it's work. It's not a glamorized thing. Yes, you're gonna be able to take cool Instagram pictures. Yeah, you're gonna be able to have amazing experiences, but you got to understand there's back room work That's necessary in any relationship And the sooner you accept that the realities of the relationship the sooner you will find yourself going after what God has called you to And the sooner you will find the person that you're supposed to be with and life's gonna be easy But you're gonna be focused On the right thing in the same way when Jesus called Peter out of the boat. Yeah, it's the same thing Yeah, you focus on Jesus and you'll be able to walk on the water You'll be able to do the impossible as long as you do that And so, that's just I think people again need to understand relationships properly so that way they can handle them and that's why we talked about the truth, but then Even, once they get to the point where they understand them, they have to be intentional in them. Yeah, and I think that's what, exactly what you just outlined. I think you outlined exactly what it means to be intentional in your relationship. You understand that as a man, God put you on assignment. And you also understand that he puts us as women on assignment. That's a fact. Right? And we, so we have... Our own individual assignments and then we have our God given combined what he has for us to do in the world, right? Whether that's to be a great example of God centered relationship I think that that's how you start to carve out the intentionality in your life. Yes Absolutely, and I think you really have to understand yourself as a person To get to being intentional because once you're intentional, it's like nothing you can do can sway me off of what I know God told me. Absolutely. So when the roots are deep, you don't get stirred by the way. And the thing is like from a male perspective, right. When it comes to being intentional in relationships, I believe. That, you know, as a man, you can be intentionally in a relationship when you're very clear on just what God has called you to. Right? Like that is a way you can be intentional just because again, no one wants to be with someone that has no direction. Right? Just from a, a woman, a God fearing woman who wants to be led, you got to actually have a place to lead her to. So you got to actually be clear on where you're going. Second thing is you got to be, and this is my opinion. This is from the book of Trevon. I'm just saying. Right. My second thing is I think you have to be very clear on how you're going to make money, what your career is going to be. And I'm not saying and be, be clear. There's a difference between knowing how you make money and having seven, eight figures saved up in the bank. Yeah. Because I hear this conversation from a lot of guys where they're like, you know, I'm not even thinking about marriage right now or relationship because I got to get my money right. I got to get my money right. Meanwhile, they got a six figure job, drive a nice car, all these things. And I'm just like, Well, what does ready look like? You know, because again, you know, I've had so many conversations about this. There's no point in working super hard if you still come home to an empty house. Like there's no point, right? Like as, as an entrepreneur myself, I work super hard. And I can tell you it's not fun when you do all that working just to then. Oh, I got no one to talk to about my, how my day made me feel right. Like you can close all the deals you want. You can close six figure deals, five figure deals, 10 figure deals. But if you don't have that person, what good is it? Right. And so to me, you know, as a man, you're able to be intentional in relation when you're very clear on, you know, what you're called to and how you're going to make money, just how you're going to, but then it's also. Being intentional to listen and understand whoever it is that you're dating. Right, like, really being intentional to listen and understand. But even involve. Like, even involve them in your day to day. In your, I shouldn't even say in your day to day, but just in your world. In your world. Yeah, just involve them in your world. Like, if you, You know, if you just have some free time and you're going to lunch, invite them out. Shoot them the text. Like, for me, I'm the type, and like, I'm a little different for this, but I want to talk all day. Like, when me and my wife were dating, like, I'm like, you're, what? Why haven't I heard from you in two hours? What's happening? Like, hold on. Right? Where you at? Yeah, like, where you at? I know you're just sitting at your desk working from home, but um, I'm here. Hello. Right? But, you know, but it's, it's I wanted to involve her in my world like hey, I'm thinking about you like was you know, and that's me now again I know there's some guys that probably disagree. They're like look. I've just saw her. I just talked to her kudos for you I'm just telling you as a married man who's done this thing, right? Yeah, look how else you gonna build that trust and everything that we talked about if you don't actually spend time together Yeah and so to me the intentionality piece It's as a man, if you're listening, it's to understand what God has put you, put, given you as an assignment. Yeah. Number two, to just understand how you're going to make money and then throw everything you've got at that vehicle. And then number three, it's listening, understanding and involving that woman that whoever you're dating into your world at a level you're comfortable with. So that way, again, I've not seen anyone fail that was intentional. Can I zoom in on it? I have not seen anyone who was intentional in any area of their life fail. And I mean truly intentional, not like talking about it. I mean like, they were intentional. They set a plan. They built the discipline necessary to do that thing. And so I think, you know, again, from a guy's perspective, that's, that's how intentional relationships should work. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I think. I guess from a woman's perspective. I Always preach on my platform about literally, I can't say it enough, like, know yourself. You have to know, like, it's one thing, you don't have to relive your trauma in order to just have that, like, boundary reminder of like, I'm not going back to that place. You know what I mean? So, I think, In the name of and and sticking to that right like holding yourself That's why I said discipline like if you can't even hold yourself accountable in the small things like how can you hold yourself accountable to? People to your boundaries, and if you can't hold yourself accountable to your boundaries Then how can you expect somebody else to withstand your boundaries? So it's just like you know that intentional piece as a woman vetting your resources I know the man might look good, he might have a nice house, he might have a nice car, but as we know, there's fool's gold out here, right? There's more to people than what meets the eye, and people give you a synopsis or a snap of them every day. It's really in that getting to know you through our interactions, we're hanging out, we're texting, we're FaceTiming. It's really... through those moments where you really kind of get to know if somebody's invested. Absolutely. And invested doesn't mean oh, he's taking me out, but invested means, Hey, I got a business idea and can I run it by you? Can I run it by you? Hey, what's, what's been on your mind lately? What's on your mind? Yeah. Little things like that. Again, it's, it's not so much what's community, it's just what's subconsciously communicated. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Like I like that. I was super intentional with that, where it's like, look. We don't even necessarily need to talk about nothing deep right now. But just I want you to know I'm thinking about you. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So, I guess what are some necessary components of healthy relationships for you? You communication? Yeah. Number one is communication and I would say over communication. Yeah. Facts. Like, and, and I'm the type, so I'm the type of personality type. Like I, I'm nosy. I want to know everything. Like,'cause and, and the reason why I say that though is so that way I can properly handle situations. Mm. Right. Handling with care. Yeah. Like I want be able to handle stuff with care. So, but if I don't have a full picture Mm-Hmm. And this goes. Not just my marriage, but my friendships and everything like that. Like, I need, like, yo, if you want me to help you and support you, I have to know everything that's going on so I can give you sound advice. Um, but even in the relationship sphere, communication, for sure. Over communicate. Like, I think there's, like, to me, in my opinion, there are people that disagree with me, but I think you will never lose if you over communicate. Like, you will never lose. Another thing, key component that I believe is transparency. Transparency. Right? Transparency. And, in order to be transparent, you have to have a level of acceptance of yourself. Right? Like, when I was dating my wife, I was transparent. And the reason why is just because... I, everywhere I go, I'm taking me with me, so I'm taking my history, I'm taking my trauma, I'm taking my triumphs, I'm taking my mistakes, so on and so forth. So I need to work myself to a place where I'm comfortable sharing, and then if she accepts it or not, that's not on me, right? Because again, I want to be with whoever God's called me to, so if God orders my steps. And I share who I am just again just sharing who I am now I'm not saying over share like you necessarily got depending on the stage. You don't necessarily just give all your business out, right? Like you don't tell tell the person your bank account the first day But yeah, I mean listen but if if you are looking for someone that you want to be You're forever if you're looking for your spouse You got to be transparent and that's being transparent at any stage just being trained like I'm very transparent my wife about just Where I'm at with business I'm transparent about the things I failed at in business, which it's interesting just because if you look at my Instagram profile and you see all I'm doing, it probably doesn't look like I fail much, but baby, let me tell you, right? Yeah, like I've had to take a lot of lumps, but I have to be, I've, I had to be transparent in telling my now wife, yo, I tried this. It didn't work right. Just because. I'm also getting information by me sharing that yeah, so I'm gonna see how she's gonna handle me when I communicate to her Hey this thing. I thought was gonna work failed How are you gonna react and as a woman how do you take that and I think one of the biggest things that women lack Nowadays is the ability to nurture. I think that that's something that is Completely overlooked when you're talking about being in relationships And understanding what's necessary is that the world is hard, right? The world is hard on us as women because we as black women take up the backbone of a lot in society We take on the brunt of a lot of the beatings that take place like that and not in a literal sense but like in a in a more figurative sense, we're typically either brushed under the rug doing most of the work or we're right under the head figure and they're taking credit for all that we do, you know, and I, and I can only for black men, it's the same. And so it's like that piece of when I'm coming home, if I give you my day, how do you nurture that? That's good. So I think women have, I think we've gotten out of touch a bit in that spirit of nurture. Yeah, but say, cause women is messing up the market now. Hey, men is messing up the market. No, no, no. I will say, I will say, no, no, no. Listen. There's fault on both sides. It is. And we can end on this point. There's fault on both sides. We gotta teach the people how they can honor their position whether they're single, dating, in a relationship. How do they honor wherever they're at? So, so you had said that I love that answer of nurture, right? You said that women today need to learn the skills of nurturing. What else in your mind, like from a woman's perspective, is like necessary in a relationship? Yeah. For me, I think loyalty. I know. Loyalty, love, and respect. I think everything stems from that. I'm real big on loyalty. I think that's a black or white. I think love is black or white. You either love somebody or you don't. You either respect somebody or you don't. You either, you know, you're devoted to the union that y'all have or you're not. Those topics are not something that's like one toe in, one toe out. That's a fact. And so I think and communication obviously, but from a woman's standpoint, I think really understanding I know I touched on nurture, but I think that those are the kind of the four largest themes when we talk about and women I think sometimes we just I think we've got another touch with being women I've seen like that video kind of pop up a little bit about you know How you build up your king Is how he's gonna go out into the world. That's a fact. So if you give him hell at home, He's never coming home. He's never coming home. Right. If you give him peace at home, I'm home every night. Every night. Because you can't put a price tag on peace. That's a fact. You know what I'm saying? Like you can't, And who wants chaos? You know what I mean? Like you wanna come home, You fighting with the world, You gotta come home and fight. Uh, in your house, you know, and like one of my favorite philosophers, well, he was a rapper, but Nipsey Hussle talking about being at you, would you rather be at peace with the world and at war with yourself or at war with the world and at peace with yourself? That's a fact. You know what I'm saying? So I think that a lot of that stems from what's important in a relationship, what's necessary. Yeah. And I like the last three that you gave just because they're. Both ways, it goes both ways with those, right? Nurturing, that's definitely a woman, like, yeah, y'all nurture, right? And nature. But, the, you know, respect, loyalty, love, like that, that's a two way street right there. So I think, I think that's definitely, you know, that's good. Thanks. Thank you. So, let me ask. How do you spice up your love life? Right? Cause you might be in a relationship already. So this is not for singles. What? Or maybe it could be for singles. But how do you spice up your love life in the digital age without monetary materialistic things? What do you do nice for your wife? What do you like? Come on. What? How did you get her? I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to do things. So, I think one of the things that you can do to spice up your love life today is like them cute, corny, relationship vids. I find them corny. I find them corny. I find them cor Listen, just cause Absolutely, and because she thinks they're nice, I'll do them. But I still think they're corny. But either way, but like, I think things like that. Like just doing things... Whether it's, I mean, if we did, uh, Uh, it was like some pointing game where like the, somebody would say something like, Who's the first one to say I love you? And we'd point and see like if it was wrong. Like, little stuff like that, um, is just fun. So I think like those social media type of game. Now, again, and what's cool thing is too, like, and this might be a not a big secret. This might be a, this is a well kept secret. You don't have to post about it. You can do it and not post it. It's okay. Right? Like, everyone feels like you have to share it. But, again, it's whatever you're comfortable with. But, I think one of the ways in which you can spice up your relationship today is, you know, following some of these fun social media trends. Now, I said, you're going to give me trouble because now I'm going to have to do one of them. Um, but, you know what I mean? Just doing things like that. Like, I mean, it's not so much. Being public, right? So where I'm not telling anybody to post so you're seen more. It's not even necessarily that, but just post in a way where, you know, or record in a way or just do the activity in a way where you're just saying, Hey, let's just do something really dope together, you know? I think that's one of the ways in which you could do it. You know, I gotta get better at it cause I, but again, I think it's corny, but you know, it's fine. I hope y'all saw me rub my eyes. It's okay. It's okay. I didn't say I wouldn't do it. I just think it's corny. Yeah, you're gonna drag your feet, but you're gonna do it. We know that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just, I think just, just the desire to continue to get to know the person and to deeply, intimately know. So like, that's how you kind of build up that, I know what you thinking before you even say it type of vibe. So I think that that's really beautiful and you know, just that continuous. Pursuit of one another. You know, I think that that's really, really nice. Now it cannot answer a different question. So I think if you are single and you're listening and you're trying to figure out how to, we'll call it, give your love life a renovation, how to improve your love life. Pay attention to what you post, pay attention to what you post. Really think about. If a man were to come on, a man or a woman, both ways, but in my case I'm a man, right? If a man were to go on my page, what would he think? Not just postin the super, super sexy, with the caption, this her, this is, this her pic, like, no, no, no, mama, look at your whole page, because it's gonna communicate something about you, right? Now, that works both ways. There's some women you're gonna be listenin and you're like, ooh, I gotta go delete some things. But some of you out there need to start posting some things, too. Yeah. Because it also ain't a good look if the last picture you posted is September of 2019. Yeah. Talking about some, oh, I don't be on social media that much. And then you show up different than what you... Right. So, it's a two way street. So, like, I would say, like, really leveraging your social media and actually participating in it, like, is a way to really... And just again, be intentional with what you post, like, again, I'm not saying just don't post nothing. If you like how you look in that fit, do it, but just be aware of how that could come across. If we just being real, we have an honest conversation. I know there's an honest space. And there's a difference between sexy, right? For the ladies, there's a difference between sexy and then just like letting it all hang out. Like, let me just say this, you might not like me for this, but you are not sexy red. Nothing wrong with sexy red. She can do her thing. She's a performer. You're not a performer. Yeah. You're out here living real life, knowing what you do. So. And men love mystery. I'm gonna say that and I'm gonna get out. But men love mystery. So when you think about outfits you want to buy, you think about how you want to look. Men like mystery. A woman's mystique. That's what it's called. It's a color. Blinker. Blinker for me. It's called a woman's mystique. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don't have, like I said, you don't have to. You don't have to take this and be like they're telling me how to dress cuz I would never tell you how to dress I believe God loves you exactly how you are Like I'll say that but in what you're attracting That contributes to what you attract So, you know women divine feminine when you are in your divine feminine energy fully you don't chase you attract so I guess how can we leave the people We can leave them. How do we leave them with how to honor their position, whether you're single, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're married, you know, how do you honor where you are? I think number one, it's getting really clear on what your assignment is. And when I say assignment, you can look at it from just a practical, like, what's my goals type of thing, or you look at it from a spiritual, I would suggest spiritual sense. What is God telling me to do in not only this current season, but what's God telling me to do with my life? What's my purpose here on this earth? And I believe that's how you're able to honor your position. If we're talking on the lens of relationship, whether you're single, married, dating, whatever, right? It's asking God, all right, what is my assignment in this season, right? When, when I was single, I had a certain assignment. I have an assignment over my life, but I had a certain assignment that I had to handle in my singleness. When I was dating my wife, I had a certain assignment while I was dating my wife. And now that I'm married, there's a certain assignment on that thing. And so, to me, it all boils down to getting clear on the assignment. Yeah, that's how you're able to really honor your position because when you're chasing, as I mentioned before, when you're chasing that assignment, everything else will be added onto you. That's right. I agree with that wholeheartedly, 100%. And I keep saying this, but stand true to yourself, right? Like sticking to your guns because When you know who you are and you know whose you are you operate accordingly I'm the daughter of a king So you're not gonna come over here. You know, I'm saying trying to treat me like I'm a pauper. That's right You know what? I mean? So I think when you have that understanding within Wherever you rest, right? Whether, I'm single and I'm looking to date, whether I am in a relationship looking to marry or whether I'm in a relationship and just continuing to build healthy pillars in my relationship, I think looking at it from that perspective and it's, it's a borderline of, you don't have to carry it arrogantly, you know what I mean? You can carry it with humility, but it's all about how you carry yourself, how you, How you choose to navigate, how you choose to make your decisions. Are you basing them based upon someone else or fear? Or, you know what I mean, or are you basing them on your needs? So really, really grounding yourself, and then hashing out. What do I need? How do I be intentional? What does that look like for me? Yeah, just incorporating God in all that you do. I think that that's something that, that people underestimate. You have to, you can't, you can't consult him when it's too late. Right? Like you can't, you can't come to him at midnight like, God, I need that check by 8 a. m. And God is like, I am a miracle worker, but I don't move when you tell me to move. That's facts. That's a fact. You feel what I'm saying? He, he moves according to his plan and his time. That's right. So. If you've been praying on something, trust that he's teaching you something and you're waiting. Maybe that you're not focusing on, that you're missing. Or maybe he's keeping you where you are because, again, you need to focus on something in that position that you are missing. Sound advice right there. I like that. Thank you. I like that. So. So, we did not pray. Oh. At the beginning. Hmm. Alright. So minister gross. Alright, well. Alright, y'all. Let's pray. Well, Father, I thank you. Thank you for this platform, God. I thank you that you have given it a mandate and I thank you that it has a purpose. God, I thank you for the listener. I thank you Lord that the listener was able to take something from this conversation and not only take something just for knowledge sake, but God, I thank you that they're able to take it and apply. God, I think that they're able to take action, from the wisdom that we were able to impart. God, we thank you for allowing us to be vessels. Lord, I thank you that, we were able to speak truth, in your name. And I thank you that, we stewarded our job well. And so we have an expectation that you're going to go out, into the earth and do a marvelous work, God. So I thank you, for this time. I think that it was just fun. I think it was relaxed. And I thank you, Lord, that you were going to multiply this platform to reach the masses. And it's in Jesus name that I pray. Amen. All right. And if you haven't checked out craft your dream pod, that's a fact lifestyle podcast every Thursday. All right. We, it drops, we're covering success, goals, mindset, if you want to grow, if you want to build your faith, if you want to master your craft, check it out. Also, Braise's DMS are open fellas, so go ahead, send you something. All right. Her DMS are open. She's saying this now. It's cat. All right. It's cat. Send the DM. That's all I'm saying. Don't call me. Call Jesus. Oh my God. That's a wrap. Oh my God. We did a whole thing on relationships.