You're Only As Good As Your Tribe: Friendship Dynamics

It is no secret that one meaning to life centers in the company that we keep.  Understanding that the people God sends along the journey to keep us company, and to help us advance towards our destination, make up our special tribe.  These very people that God gifts us in fact molds, grows, teaches, and inspires us how to grow closer to fulfilling our purpose in life with each day.  It is true that we are only as good as each individual in our tribe, and it is also true that discerning these God-sent people is a task.  Come with me, and some of my favorite Queens Beza, Danielle, Shelandria and Sierra who are bold spiritual women unique in their approach of their own respective tribes, as we explore some interesting components of love, connection, and friendships.  These ladies are phenomenal, and full of magic.  Envision the experience, feel the energy, and deep dive into yourself as we take you on a journey of the familiarities that accompany life's best friendship dynamics in the modern era.

Xoxoxo & Blessings.

With Peace & Love,
ThaPrettyRebel

Transcript

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Welcome back to Crown Culture of the podcast.

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Today we're here for episode two. You're only as good as your tribe.

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friendship dynamics explored.

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We are here just to talk about some of the, I think, things we experience every day through friendships and relationships, and really just explore how that is in real time. I'm here today with some of my lovely, lovely featured guests my amazing friends and lovely ladies. So, to the right of me, I've got the beautiful Sierra Jones-Ward. And I've got the beautiful, amazing Danielle Poullard, I've got Beza Solomon, my amazing, phenomenal. She is. She's my girl, y'all. And then I've got my amazing, awesome wisdom bearing, okay? Okay. Prayer warrior. Okay, here. You, that's why we all up here, by the way, miss Shelandria just wanna take the time to start. If everybody could just bow their heads, close their, Father God, we're thanking you for today. We're thanking you for an amazing, magnificent experience. We ask that you just go before us in this conversation and allow you to just articulate the thoughts and the things that you need to be shared with people that are listening. We just thank you for your presence and your goodness, and you are just so amazing in everything that you do. We are pursuing you. We're chasing after you and everything in Jesus' name. In your name we pray. Amen. Faith is in session. Amen. So y'all know it's no secret that the friends we meet to keep us company along our journey in the pursuit of life matters the most. And I like to believe that they're godsend angels in the flesh. So, I like to know, just to start, you know, cuz I like to pose questions to myself often. And I think that that just fuels conversations, the questions that we ask and how we explore them. So I'd like to know kind of. how are you? What type of friend are you? You know, if you had to describe yourself, how would you describe yourself as a friend? I guess I'll start, and I'd say for me, I am extremely big on loyalty, love, and respect. And I just believe in showing up for people in the most authentic way possible. I believe in meeting people where they are. I believe learning to speak different love languages and learning to speak different friends with different purposes love languages. So that's kind of the type of friend that I am. I'm the friend that's gonna show up for you no matter what. If you need me to get in the car, you need us to pull up. No, we don't do that no more But I am that friend very much so. And I cheer for my friends and I clap for them. And so that was, that would be how I would describe the type of friend I am. I think it described all of us. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think that describes all of us, but also I think that for me and friendship being a. Yeah. And just serving your friends in whatever way they need. Whatever the season calls for. Yeah. And just like really valuing to, if you're both serving each other, then there's that balance. Yeah. That's good. I agree with that. Yeah, I can definitely agree with that. Yeah. I mean, I agree with all of the, what was said. I think I'm very present. I'm very loyal. I'm a very, I'm very big on being present, especially because that's what I expect of my friends as well. Mm-hmm. um, for the little things, even on a day-to-day basis, but also for the big things, like I'm very big on being present on achievements, life and death, so baby showers, birthdays, you know, funerals, that type of thing. I'm very passionate. Mm-hmm. I go to war for my people and I'm more invested sometimes, but it's, you know, it's a very good and bad thing about me, so. Nothing that we could, we could say that about all of us. Yeah. That part. I agree. Yeah, I can agree with that. Um, I mean, I think to all the things that you guys have said, really the only thing I think that I add is just like that intention with your friends. Mm-hmm. In terms of I know Beza, we kind of talked about this before, but the idea of just knowing the hearts of your friends mm-hmm. and I think that that's been so important and why friendships of mine have lasted as long as they have, because. We all have different moods. We have different every day. You might not feel the way you did yesterday, or maybe you talked to me 30 minutes ago and now 30 minutes later I'm tripping. You know what I mean? And that's just part of life. But making sure you're a friend that says, I know your heart. Yeah. And so when you're having a moment like that, I try to make sure that, that I'm the friend that's like, I see, I see what's in your heart. And so I'm not going to take this a moment right here and take that so personally because like I know your heart. And so I try to make sure that I'm the friend that reminds all of my friends that like girl, we know each other's heart, like mm-hmm. never let some of the emotions of today get in the way of, you know, the bigger picture of our friendship. So I try to be that friend cuz girl, we be having days, so, okay. We all do. We all do. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. um, I would say, Well, my friends pretty much look at me as like the mom. Yeah. Give back you give back Very, the accountability friend. Yeah. But I'm also just, just dependable, loving. I'm like, which can be a bad thing at times, but a lot of the times my friends don't know everything that's going on with me because I, I just wanna be that, I wanna be that strong friend. Facts. Mm-hmm. you know, I take that role a lot. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. I think that would explain me. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely agree. One, I think that's also why I've curated this group of wonderful women because we, we have that common thread and I think when you start to talk about like your friendships, the people who are in your circle. I think you have to kind of identify and know your personnel because if you don't know. the people that you're dealing with, and what friend gives you what on what day? Like I know if I pick up the phone and I call Sierra, yeah. We, we might go into prayer. Okay. Or we might go deep into prayer because that's just what's necessary. Or we might, you know, I don't know. Sh I, I joke, I play all day. She, she knows that everybody up here knows I play all day. So I have those friends where it's just like, maybe sometimes we're on joke time, but then, you know, I also have friends where I know if I needed something, like if I needed. anything. I don't know anything. They are going to drop everything like for me. Yeah. So I think that when we talk about that that's really important. What about, how do y'all feel about y'all tribe? Like, like I think when we talk about tribes and the people that surround us, because that could include your mentors. Yeah. Mm-hmm. that could include, you know, your family. Cuz family, I believe is that's part of your tribe. They help you, they shape you, they mowed you. Yeah. How do y'all feel about your tribe? Basically I go to war, you know what I mean? But it's because they are so loyal, you know? They are so genuine. But I think in a lot of ways this. All of your relationships bring something to your life where, not that you're lacking, but that you can grow. Mm-hmm. you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And I feel like that about everybody who's in my circle is like, oh, this friend is for, is this friend? Is this Like, it's like, dang, I know. And I'm trying to make a decision regarding this. Like, this is who I go to for this. Mm-hmm. or when I know when I'm in this type of situation, this is who I would call for this. Like, this is who you call to calm down. This is who you call to go. You know what I mean? Like this is, and so I feel so strongly about my tribe because they feel like my puzzle. You know what I mean? Like they just intertwine and connect with me and it's like when it's all, it's like, oh my God, like I'm so warm. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. like that's how you feel and that's why you go to war for that. Cuz you're like, now you playing with my puzzle feeds like, okay, like stop playing. I can't be complete without my tribe. So I love that. That's how I think about it. Yeah, I agree 100%. I think that my perspective on my tribe is a little different just cuz I'm older than all of you. Mm-hmm. And so I think that I've grown to accept that my needs in friendship change and that of the people around me also change. So as we go through different seasons, being able to adjust and then also I think not being afraid to dial back for a season or to push in and lean in for another. And then with two people who respect each other, then you'll understand like, okay, we might have been, you know, a lot closer three, four years ago. Yeah. But life took me this way. And life took you that way. Yeah. And now it's a little different, but there's always love there. There's always gonna be respect there. But I think. Me, like I personally approach friendship in that way of knowing that okay, while my life is here in this current season mm-hmm. this is the type of friend that I can be to you. This is the type of friend you can be to me. And then this is how we, you know, does this work for both of us. Right, right. And are we equally aligned in that way? Yeah. Our lives Like you, like Danny said, Puzzle piece is like no puzzle piece is the same. Right? And so the way that it connects to you, it might not connect to another friend you have. And so recognizing and not putting people in that position of, okay, building this person, like, why are my friends not getting along, but recognizing, oh, they might not be supposed to get along. You know what I mean? They're not meant for that. It's they're connected to me. Right. And that is the, the common denominator. Yeah. But then over time though, as you get older, and I think where I am now, I'm realizing that, oh, the, I guess the people that I have around, It's based on my core values, who I am. And so those people, they end up finding things in common. Mm-hmm. Hmm. and some of my friends, like they might have met at like a birthday party or something, and then they, they're talking on Instagram and now they're friends and I'm like, oh, okay. When your friendship is based on the right, Y yes you are. Yes. Then your friends, like all your friends, like there's gonna be some type of commonality. For sure. 100% agree with that. I was reading this book and that's it. And if people wanna write that down, this is a, it's called Relational Intelligence by Pastor Darius Daniels. And the same way we talk about emotional intelligence and iq it breaks down the roles that people play in your life, but also how to navigate and take the correct actions to be strategic in your friendships. Mm-hmm. knowing when some people may have been more. So, and your friends can turn into an assignment in your life at one part. Oh yeah. Because sometimes you grow and you experience things that takes you a little bit ahead and it give, God puts more knowledge into your, and it's like you no longer get to connect, like you said, with those people in your circle the same way you used to. Mm-hmm. And so that book really helped me at a pivotal point with my best friend because, I was doing a lot of reading and I was just hungry for knowledge like crazy, and she just wasn't there yet. Mm-hmm. and I was feeling strained because I'm like, that's who I talk to about these things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And God just was like, the word was grace, like mm-hmm. Yeah. This, it's grace right now, you know? Yes. Because you guys are not at the same place, but that doesn't mean that you bring yourself. You know, you act like you don't have the knowledge so that you can connect, but you also don't have expectations of of her to have that. And so that Grace allowed us to still be able to be the friends that we were, but to have a little bit of a shift. So relational intelligence by Pastor Darius Daniels. Great read. Love that. And to touch on what Danny said, like of course Grace and what I just said as well, like and what Bridge just said, knowing your people and then also at different stages in life, like I know I could personally use myself as an. You know, all y'all know I'm on beat to all the kids. So all, all my friends that now have children, and that really, you know, honestly, I didn't really realize how much of a difference it would make in life until we got here and now that, um, we're here because all of my, my tribe, I could say, you know, these are friendships that I've had for. 10, 20 years. And I don't question or doubt their heart, their intention, but as life moved on, I realized that, hey, this person might not, you know, might not be there for me the way I want them to. Yeah. But that also led me to think about expectations, especially in regards to their life and how they can, because I think it's also important we have. realistic expectations because for people that can't be there for themselves or that are busy, you know, raising a whole family, you know, like I always say, I'm still barely raising myself. You know, I can't imagine. So, you know, you're raising a family, you're doing this, you're doing that. You're trying to be mentally, spiritually sane, and then also be present for your friends. Mm-hmm. So grace is a very big thing because I'm not, I know I could speak for myself personally. I'm not one to quick, you know, to quickly cut somebody off. Yeah. Cause I'm gonna think about how this person has been there for me. Their intentions, their heart, their life circumstances, and everybody's different in the way that they show up for people. Yeah, that's my take on that as well. But grace is very important. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, something I thought about as Beza mentioned it's the other side of showing grace, but also recognizing that as life moves forward, not holding onto a friendship simply because of the history again. Oh, yeah. As you shift, I love that. Yeah. Like as you shift, it's like, oh, but I've been friends with this person since I was five. It's like, yeah, but God is saying it's time to keep on going and not, you know what I mean? I think it's like finding that balance. Yeah. Because I literally was thinking about proximity friends. Mm-hmm. As I'm doing like an evaluation of the people who are in my life now and connected to me. I'm just like, I'm not even hesitant because I have, what I'm experiencing is I have a friend who, or a couple friends who like do just enough. Mm-hmm. just to say that they're connected or have that access, but they're not necessarily doing what it requires. Right. You know, or speaking my love language to actually. Say like, this is me. I'm, I'm your friend and this, I'm honoring this friendship. And I just, I just, I'm like, you gotta go. So I have a question. Yeah. For, for everybody. when that happens in that type of situation, do you, how do you communicate that to your friends? Mm-hmm. are you the type of friend who pulls back or do you know how to bring that up and say, Hey, you're not serving me in this way. Mm-hmm. or is it that awkward? Like, we both know something's off, it's the elephant in the room, and then time is passing, and then you're like, oh, I don't know. This feels different. Mm-hmm. but neither of us has verbalized it. Mm-hmm. you know, we actually were talking, sorry, go ahead. I, I think it's all about delivery one. Mm-hmm. Well, well, you have to discern whether or. Is this a friendship that I really want to keep? Is it, is it gonna be more of a strain, right? Yeah. To try to explain, you know, how you're feeling. Yeah. You know, so you discern which one, and then sometimes you, there's nothing needs to be said. Yeah. Yeah. You. You just, you just know that, okay, maybe this is, I don't wanna say my way out, but a lot of times you realize that like, you know, this is too much. They been too far. This has been too much for me. Yeah. Yeah. You, I just Go ahead. Yeah. And take, take the exit. Yeah. But when going to your friend, it's all about delivery. Yep. Yep. When you have, when you have the love for your, or just love for people. Yes. It's about the delivery, how you say things cuz you don't want them to feel bad per. But just you want them to understand. Yeah. Yeah. So delivery and, you know, so often that sometimes they don't even know that they're not showing up for anyways, like, Experiences in their life and how people have shown up for them or haven't shown up for them in all this time, you might be their first experience having expectations within a friendship that actually last mm-hmm. like within putting work into a friendship. Mm-hmm. And so that's why that delivery is so important because you have to almost be like, like, I know you, but at the same time, like these, this is what friendship requires for me. Yeah. You know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I do have, I was a picky pack, piggy pack off of piggy pack. Go ahead. I was just gonna say You know, I agree with what everybody said, but I also feel like our generation is so fixated on, and not only in regards to like, you know, having a conversation about friendships, but every little thing and sometimes nothing needs to be said. Yeah. Like you don't always have to say, if I just naturally outgrow somebody, and over the days, We speak less, but it's, you know, Hey, how are you? I genuinely hope you're doing well. That's okay. It happens all the time. I don't have to have a conversation with every single person. Like, Hey, you know, I'm going this way in life and I gonna do this and that, and that. You know, I'm growing in the spirit where I'm, you know, and we're not there. Yeah. I don't have to have that conversation with every single person. I personally don't feel like I do, and not everybody gets that. Mm-hmm. So I think a lot of people have to really understand and apply that to their lives, because nowadays it's always. Well, we never talked about it. Right? And part of being in tune with yourself is knowing and feeling that that separation mm-hmm. you know, and if you trust that you're around the same people or similar people who would feel that similar situation, that separation. So if I'm not, I guess if I'm not, That's another disconnect for me. If you can't feel it or you can't sense it, like you don't sense there's an issue, that's something that's major for me, it's concerning. Mm-hmm. And that's like, um, oh wait. See, did you wanna go first? Because I said No, go ahead. I'm gonna shift this. Okay. Okay. Because I was gonna say a few things came to my mind, but something that's important with friendship is, like you said, knowing yourself. Like starting with that level of self-awareness and starting with almost. understanding what's important for you in friendship. Yes, yes. Before you can even like pick your tribe and before the right people can be attracted to you. Mm-hmm. Yes. And then realizing that, okay, there might be people, like friends that I've already had who might not be the most self-aware. Yeah. And like being able to not overlook those types of things. Mm-hmm. And as you shift recognizing that, okay, this might have been okay with me when I was in college, but it's not okay with me now. And then it's like as you start to move differently, whether it requires a conversation or. As you move differently and the other person might notice as well. Yeah. And if they take offense to it, then that's essentially their prerogative. Yeah. Just depending on how it's, how or what the situation calls for, I'll say. Exactly. And so I think for me as well, again, I keep bringing up my age. I'm not old. I'm 29, but I'm not old. But I will say that I, I am obviously older than everyone here, but also I have always had older friends. Yeah. Yeah. So I do have friends that are in like their, you know, their mid to late. And just in totally different seasons in life. Right. Um, but something that I have learned just from just who I am as a person, but also those friendships you like, it's really like this dance. And I, like one of my friends, we use this analogy all the time. It really is this dance. And as the music changes, like the beat switches, the steps, they change and it's like you have to adjust. And that can be applied to, you know, friendship and romantic relationships, but essentially any interaction with other people, it's like, oh, okay. The. And it's like you, you could be somewhere and you're not really in control. Like we're, none of us are in control. God is in control. Right. So it's like he's a dj. So when he's ready, he's done with that song. Moving on. Ooh. Yeah. That's good. One, one that's heavy. Y'all heard that dramatic. He is the dj. I that she get it. Yeah, because shift us. See? Yeah. So I know we've been talking a lot about. you know, when those friendships are coming to an end. Mm-hmm. maybe not saying much, but I have to bring up, I don't like the narrative of girlfriends cutting each other off so quickly. Girl, and for, that's so weird. For very, very small reasons, like not showing up to my birthday dinner. Can, can we speak on that? I don't like it. Yeah. Which just doesn't. All I'm gonna say on that is those who know grace, show Grace. Yeah. I had someone not show up to my birthday dinner. She ended up getting caught up. There was a lot of things going on. I still love her. I'll see her later today. Yeah, it's nothing wrong with that. I'm not cutting her off. I know her heart. Yeah. Yeah. Period. Point blank. I think that's what it comes down to, and, and I have this conversation so often, so many people use the term friend so loosely, let alone Oh my gosh. Close friend or my sister, my eighth, boom, coon, whatever you wanna call them. Yeah. And you really do not know their hearts because anybody I and. Just like I said two seconds ago, anybody that I consider a close friend or part of my tribe, I've never had to question. Right. I don't have to question their heart. I don't have to question their loyalty. If they cannot make something, it's cuz they genuinely couldn't. Mm-hmm. whether they make it up to me or not, it doesn't change how great of a friend they Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So, and I think that's the root of the, a lot of the problem when you see these girls, oh, she ain't come to my right dinner. Forget her. I'm not friends with her no more. Yeah, she was, I left her last year. That's, that's crazy. That's crazy. I'm insane. It's okay to grow separately. You don't have to. I think that's also something with the world that we're living in now, where we feel like everything has to be so harsh. Like, oh my God. You know, just to let somebody know, like they just wanna be so rude. Yeah. It doesn't call for that. Like, and I think it's also this is like, it can be applied to everything in life. Just learning how to not take everything so personal. Oh my god. Because it's like, it, it might not have even been about you. Like, yes, it's your birthday, your birthday's important to you. Them not showing up. It doesn't mean that your birthday's any less important to them. No. And, and both of you not taking it personally, you're not going to be offended as much. You're going to be able to avoid a lot of those petty arguments, right? And whatever else. And then those like, all right, we, you know, ACE, that one particular friend. Where we talk heavily for this season and then six, seven months, but neither of us said anything and neither of us checked in. Right. And all that. Like that kind of those weird dynamics. Yeah. But like with a birthday dinner, like just cutting somebody off for a reason like that, it doesn't really make sense. And it's also digging deeper, so Okay. If you're so willing to cut them off for that particular reason, what did that friendship look like anyway? Is that really your friend? Yep. And like it has been off for a while. If something like this has now caused you, someone wanna like, okay, I'm done. I think, and I think what all of us said too is it goes back to knowing yourself. Yeah. Mm-hmm. like, you don't take things personally when you know yourself because you know that in your character, you've never shown someone signs that they should remove you that fast from their life. Right. And so you get it. It's, it's easy to not take it personally when it's like girl, like. That's got everything to do with how you perceive things like that has everything to do with, there's trauma that's playing a part in that. Mm-hmm. there's, there's past experiences that are playing a part in that. There's recent trauma, there's recent hurt, there's recent pain, and all of those things have nothing to do with me. Yeah. But right now, in this moment, you're taking them out on me and that's never been a reflection of my character. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so when you know yourself to the point where you're like, I know my character, like, and I don't question my character. Mm-hmm. am I perfect? Of course not. Is there room to grow? Of course there is. Mm-hmm. But I know that to this person, I have not shown you anything in my character that would reveal that I have any malicious intent towards you. Mm-hmm. why would we do that to each other? Yeah. You know what I mean? And I, I think the more that people learn themselves, the less you'll see that. Because it's almost like in what Braysia said, it's like it's so harsh outside. Like I would say it all the time, like it's so evil outside. Yeah, but it's evil because people treat human decency. Like it's only preserved for friendship now. Right. And it's like human, like just decency. We're humans. We both are experiencing life and things that are out of our control things. Sometimes have, you know, like everything happens for a reason. I felt that way. So, but there's sometimes there's honestly things just happened. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I think when you get to that place in your life where you're like, things just happen. And there's also things that happen for a reason. It's like, okay. Like, and you know what, I think also too with the relationships, I think a lot of what we see, There's a lot of relationships where they've become more transactional in nature. Oh my God. Rather than relational in nature. And people have focused so much on the transactional piece of it where it's like, you do this for me and I do this for you. I scratch your back. And they've made that the emphasis where it's like your aim should be to be relational. Yeah. Like do the. love. Mm-hmm. just love, you know what I'm saying? Just trust, be reliable. Yes. Show up. You know what I mean? Respect people's boundaries. Yeah. Like people aren't, they're getting away from that, I think. And I think that's the challenge in what we see and people are so willing to just up and leave because you're just not scratching my back anymore. Yeah. I mean, and that's just like, So I was having this conversation today, like, that's so funny. This is so timely. God is crazy. He's amazing. He's so funny. God, you're such a funny guy. I was having this conversation today in the spirit of like Valentine's Day and everything, and I was having a conversation with a guy like, who's a friend of mine, and I asked him like, do you celebrate Valentine's Day with the girls that you're dating? And he's like, I've never liked anybody enough for me to celebrate Valentine's Day. And I had to give him the perspective of like, so many people think that social media, right? Sad boy this so sad Anyway, like people like hope he, people walk around and say, yeah, I hope he does. I hope he does. I hope he doesn't say, I really not for real. We're talking to you. Right? No, fyi. Like, relax. And I was listening to him and I said, I was like, okay. If I, if I, first of all, why wouldn't you celebrate the holiday? That's just about love. And then people do the whole, well, if you show people you love them every day, then why do you need a day to do it? And it's like, well, why not? Right? Because every other day is just evil as they come. Yeah. And so you're telling me this day is for love. I'm okay. Like there's nothing that's like weighing on me so bad that I can't just honor the people in my life that I love a little bit more. Right. Or like you hear the thought of in the transactional in. Men, like, well I don't celebrate that cuz like, that's not my girl. Or, I'm dating her. But it's not, and it's like you spend time with that girl, like you spend, you're with her daily, you go on dates with her and you, maybe you are intimate with her and maybe you're, your experience. You share life experiences with this other person. love doesn't have to be, you're in love with people. I just love, I literally love all the ladies here because I really do love y'all. But like even, I love that your existence, I'm even allowed to be around your existence. I'm allowed to even have a piece of your mind. I love that. Yeah. And so on Valentine's Day, I could celebrate y'all with the same type of love that I, you know what I mean? And that's just like the transactional piece of, okay, well I'm gonna give this all to her, but it doesn't mean she means that much to me. And. are you not grateful for her existence? Like, can you just not love that she is a person who is in this earth that you've gotten to have a conversation with? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Obviously you appreciate her to that point, so why couldn't you? It's really evil outside guys. It's a perfect, I was gonna say, I think he goes back to heart posture. And I like that term. I love that. Like your heart posture and then having a servant heart. Because if you have a servant heart in general, you're going to serve everyone around you. Mm-hmm. And you're going to give it all, like give everything your best. Give everything your all. And I think that the unfortunate part is that with like, when it comes to transaction, you're not, not going to work on the days that aren't payday, right? Mm-hmm. like that, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So it's like people approach friendship in that way of like, oh, well what am I getting from this? Right? Yeah. Whereas like, if we, okay. Try to go to your job once every two weeks and see what happens. Yeah. But you know, not to, not to say that they're the same thing, but in general, like people are always looking to, uh, or people have to grow to a point where they're not looking to see like, well, what is in it for me? Yeah. And just doing it from like the kindness of their heart. and if they have a heartened heart, and not to get too, like biblical, go ahead. Get people what they need. The food, you know, it's like, it's like moving yourself out of the way to let God soften your heart and let him clean it out. Yeah. And renew your spirit in that way. Mm-hmm. And it's like a lot of people, they don't take the, the issue with that is a lot of people are afraid. to sit in solitude. Mm-hmm. because a lot of the work that God has to do in your heart, like you have to be by yourself, yourself, and people. And that's why people are also afraid to approach conversations and friendship. Yep. Because they're like, well, if I don't have this friend, then what am I gonna do? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna, I'd rather endure. It's almost like, what is that? What is the phrase like the devil, you know? Yeah, like, I don't really use that phrase, but like, I think the meaning of it is that, okay, well, I mean, I know this friend don't ever answer the phone and never call me back. I know she never shows up to anything. I know she's not there for me when this happens and whatever. However, I've known her forever or you know, this, whatever, whatever it means to them, whatever that particular friendship. But if people take the time out to be okay with, all right, if I, you know, if I speak on how I feel in this situation, if that means that this person is now offended or this friendship is over, then I'm okay with that, right? Because I believe that whether that puts you by yourself or you rely on other friends, but it's like, okay, I believe that. It's gonna come back to me. God is gonna return whatever, like, whatever it is that I feel like I lost. Right? Mm-hmm. because it's like once you, because a lot of the time when it happens, people realize like, oh, I feel lighter. Like I am better off Without that friendship, it was, you know, really kind of draining and not just, you know, it wasn't, the effort that you put in wasn't being reciprocated in that way. Mm-hmm. But yeah, it goes back to the heart for sure. It really is a privilege to be in people's lives and I don't think people like understand that. as much that it's really a privilege to be in people's lives. We're gonna shift gears a little bit. What about expectations? How do, how do we feel about expectations? Um, you know, like I touched on earlier, I feel like I became an ex expectation expert of my friends. Life shifted for all of us. You know, we're no longer just in the house on the phone all day. You know, people are married, people have kids, people are, you know, in different, different companies and jobs and things of that nature. So I realized like, people are not gonna be available 24 7. Mm-hmm. So I think that's when I was able to actually really understand and apply the whole, you know, concept of having realistic expectations for each friend and each friend will be different. I think that's really important because then you're able to tie in the grace aspect of it because it. Hey, I, okay, I'm not gonna expect what, you know, my friend that is, is single versus my friend with three kids is going to do, or how they're gonna show up and be present for me. Like, you're not gonna come to every, you know, work conference to support me or, you know, every, whatever the case may be. Because you just don't have the time. But you may be the one to drop in and, you know, stop by the house and just randomly gimme a hug, which, My love language and what I need, you know, everybody has something different to offer and that's why you really have to know your people and have realistic expectations for each one. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Agree. I agree with that. Yeah. I don't have, I have another comment. That's it. I always have comments. Have another, I have another comment. Go ahead. I think with expectations, especially. in the season of black that I'm in, and I, I'd say the season that I've been in, maybe for about a year or so, it's just recognizing that, okay, I'm good with people showing up for me in the best possible way that they can, in the, the best way that they know how to Yeah. And we can work with that. Mm-hmm. whether that's in the same way in which I would show up for them, like that's not necessarily the. that's not necessarily what matters. It's just okay because like, like Danny said, I think it was Danny at the beginning of the conversation, how people are raised really takes a toll on how they, that's why I was like, we don't have time to dig deep into that. But recognizing, and it's like, it all ties together because it's like you can, when you recognize how people are raised and how that pours into the type of person, they show up as in the. You can then give them grace, but then you also can see like, okay, is this something that I can, you know, is this the type of person that I can have in my life moving forward? Is it, are they willing to grow? Are they willing to change? Do they even know these things about themselves? Have I done everything in my power and within just my realm of responsibility as a human being to whether it's, you know, whether your job is to make them aware of these things mm-hmm. that you know they have going on, what they're doing, not doing whatever. Or if it's just to speak on how you feel, right. About how they're maneuvering. Have I done everything that God has led me to do in this situation? And if so, being able to walk away if that's the case or if like is it, it could be your assignment to then show them something different, right? And you put in the energy and the effort in that way. But just being able, like she said earlier, to discern like, alright, what is it about this friendship? Like why is this person in my life? Yes. And if you don't know, ask Scott. Yes. Because he will always tell you, he will always tell you, clarify that. And you also can't be afraid of what he showed you. Yep. Oh my God. Yep. So it's like, don't ask if you don't wanna know the, don't ask don't act like him and don't act like that part. You talk about my other friends about that one, like, you know, like we all touched on, but the grace part, you know, a lot. This whole conversation that's really important. And knowing your friends, but also I feel like that goes hand in hand with forgiveness. Like, you know, number one, and we're all Christians up here, you have to forgive unless you, you don't wanna be forgiven. You don't have a choice, right? Um, but you know, outside of that, we are human. And I feel like when you know your personnel, you know your people, you can have grace. And even when you don't have enough, enough grace, there also comes a time where it's like, I know this person. I know their heart. by faith, I'm gonna just go ahead and forgive them because I know that they didn't mean it and we're gonna move forward. Right? Yeah. And I think that's really hard for a lot of women to do, and I mean, it's hard for people in general to do, but especially women. Mm-hmm. And we can go ahead and get into a talk about it because I don't know why it is so hard for women to do that in their relationships and their sisterhoods, whatever you wanna call it. but they'd be so quick to do it for their men. Ooh, I think you gonna make me up. Here's the thing. I think that I really, there's so many things that play a part, I feel like in that, and I think a lot of them are variables that you have to, like, things that you have to unlearn. Yeah. And we talked about the trauma and, and it goes back, but it, it really does go back to that, I think so many times and why women are so forgiving with the men that they're dealing with, rather than their women and their friendships. Think about when you watch the movies. Right. When you watch the movies, the girls are best friends and when they stop being friends, they're really like enemies now. Right? Like that's all you've seen. You're programmed to think like, if my friend violates me that way, then that's what needs to happen. I have to get rid of her. You know? But what they're with men, it's like all you see in movies is a man doing something wrong to a woman, but then him trying to make up for it and her forgiving and oh, it still could be a happy Leah Raptor. And that's what we see. So that's. I feel like so often women are operating within that realm of like, well, what I've always seen, been programmed to know, or they could. I hate to say a bitter mama who is heart, whose heart was broken and hurt from her own friendships and has, is a lonely person, love, and therefore has raised a daughter who, I'm a teacher. So I teach third, fourth, and fifth grade. I get third graders who are like, yo, she's fake. I don't never wanna be her friend anymore. If she's so scary, she can stop. And I'm like, can you still fake? Could you read fake? If I put it on a piece of paper in front of you, stop playing in my face. And it's like, and I'm like, why are you saying that? She's like my mama. Like, and the court thing she says is my mama said, my mama said that I shouldn't be trusting. And my mama said, if she does, and it's like, oh my god, can I call your mama? Because what happened to mom for real? Right? And why is she raising you to hate women? Women so much. Yeah. And then raising them to hate men too. But that's not what we're talking about today. So listen, they're just raising to hate everybody. Hate everybody. The hate and their heart and, and yeah, it definitely does start at home. Yeah, it definitely. And how you nurture your friendships. You learn. You learned the how to nurture your heart from your mother, your father mm-hmm. your, your parental figures in your life. Very, very much so. Yeah. I definitely would say that. That's 100%. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, I love that. I like those hand in hand with basic forgiveness, though. Some people, it's, for some people it's equivalent actually for men and women and for a lot of women though. It's actually not. It's not, you know? Mm-hmm. we're all the women listening. Let's just do better in life and set examples for the younger generations. Please, if anything, you know, sisters before mister Okay, the babies need us. Enough. Enough, we might as well come together. Yeah. And it's like, and even if you don't have the example in your own life of like positive women, Don't take that as it doesn't exist. Yeah. Yeah. Them, yeah, create them, but also like first, like work on yourself. Work on becoming the friend love that you want to have. Yes. And then those people will be attracted to you. Yeah. Mm-hmm. because I can say a lot of the friends that I have now at 29, I didn't go seeking those friendships. Mm-hmm. or they were friends or people that I knew. Mm-hmm. But we, you know, we weren't intentional about watering it, but not because we, it's just we didn't realize that, oh, there's something here. Yeah. We're like, oh. I've known you for 15 years, but I didn't realize we had all this in common. But that's because the season of life that we were both in maybe 15 years ago, we weren't meant to be friends and really just kind of letting God lead us in that way. I love that. In whatever time he decides. Yeah, and he's like, boo, I just, yeah, you've been following this person for 10 years, but now all something has put. something as in Holy Spirit Has nudged you to now like DM this person, or, oh, this person has been liking on their pictures. Like, oh, she goes to the gym too. Or, oh, like we're both vegan or whatever. Like whatever it is. Right? And it can be something really tiny. Like we have, I have this random hobby that nobody knows about. God knows. Yeah. And so he has created some other people that also have that. It's like, oh my gosh, you do that too. I have no clue. Right. And so it's like, you know, just being open in that way to kind of just whatever shifts come, and if that means. you're developing new friendships or letting go of old ones, or the dynamics are changing. Just being open and flowing in that way. Yes. Oh, I love the word flow. Yeah, flow. That just arrested my spirit. I literally love the word flow. I love the word flow because it literally starts with yourself. Yeah. And you have to be free flowing within you, which is why we started with mindset of mental goodness. Because if you're clogged up, you cannot flow. You can't flow. And then if you're, if you can't flow, you can't flow with the people in your life. Right. And then you're, you're outta sync. You're outta whack. You're not in a. So I think that that's super big. And also too, something that came to my mind is expectations go both ways. So you have to do the work. Yeah. Anytime like expectation with no effort is entitlement. And then you start getting into ego driven desires like. That is just like, that's where we don't want to go. Right? We want to flow in love. We want to flow in, you know, the happy place of the Holy Spirit. I love, I feel like t-shirts on the way. I was gonna say, I actually have and I won't go too into detail, but I actually had experienced something like Angia was talking. where I had a friendship and literally it, it had, it just had to flow. Mm-hmm. I was best friends with, um, one of my girlfriends, like from elementary all the way up until like, uh, freshman year of college. And we had some, you know, some outs. And we had to separate. Yeah. It wasn't a huge falling out or anything like that, but it was just we weren't in alignment. I was somewhere she wasn't and I couldn't be like, I couldn't be what she needed for me and she couldn't be what I needed for her. Mm-hmm. But fast forward about last year, we DMed. Mm-hmm. you know what we should, we should get together. She's like, okay. We get together and when I say. Like literally tears of like that separation. We both were able to grow. We became totally different people to where when we came back together, it was like, this is only God. Mm-hmm. Yep. So it's possible, and I say that to say like if you, if you're struggling if you're struggling with, you know, whether you know you want to become friends with someone again, or whether you need to take a. pray about it. Yes. Talk to God like y said, and you might just need to do that. So that, and it, it might not be the end. Yeah. If it's not supposed to be right. Yes. But take, do what you need to do for yourself and for that person. Just, just watch God work however it's supposed to, but it's very possible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These are grateful. Yeah. So I guess if we could kind of summarize I guess if everybody wants to choose something, that was their favorite piece of today that we can leave these amazing listeners with. I guess I, let me start. You start, yeah. Yeah. Cause I wanna steal for somebody else. Puzzle pieces. The puzzle pieces. And you can piggy back on, but. How all puzzle pieces aren't the same. Mm-hmm. but how they come together, how they're supposed to. Mm-hmm. where your friends can become friends. Mm-hmm. But just recognizing that none of your friends are the same. Yeah. Don't expect the same type of friendship from each of your friends. Recognizing who they are, their hearts, how they need to be loved. Yes. How they are able to show love in that season. Mm-hmm. and just having that, that, that heart posture to be able to heart pressure. Yeah. I love that too. I'm taking it all So just, you know, be, be, be that good friend. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna take grace. Ooh. Because I just, grace, honestly, it's like, it's everything. But the big reason Grace pulled is because there's times where, it's easy to have grace because that's not a personal thing for you. Mm-hmm. And then sometime when there's a trigger there that you haven't really healed from yet, or that you're still, that still brings out those emotions, sometimes it's a little harder to have grace. And so Grace was just a really big part of this conversation because it goes everywhere. Yes. In your life. And just to practice grace. So classy. So classy. It's the best thing. Yeah. Trust me. I think, cuz I don't wanna go last, I don't want y'all to steal everything. But no, just kidding. I'm actually gonna go back to the puzzle piece because that just sparked an additional thought. So it kind of counts to the summary, I hope. Yeah. With the puzzle pieces, not only like recognizing that everything doesn't fit right next to each other, recognizing that it's a part of a bigger picture so it's bigger than. Like friendship is bigger than us. And when everybody is looking at it from the, like the vantage point of, oh, it's not about me. Right? It's about whatever God wants to do. Yeah. Then we are all approaching it. And then because of that, again, like I said, I'm not gonna go too deep, but like recognizing that we're all a part of the body of Christ. And so because of that, the mission is bigger. Mm-hmm. And no one person is any less important than another. No one friend is any less important than another. And it causes you to be able to give that respect and that same love to everybody. Mm-hmm. you gotta preach on pastor. That's what I'm saying. Word platform. Oh my God. Did you? Okay, we'll save, we'll save the best for last. I would definitely say, Danny's still my, everybody had something great to say's coming forward. we had conversations before this, but I think that goes in hand in hand with expectations, like I said, like knowing your, your tribe is so important. And also I think. This generation as a whole needs to do better with not using the term friend and and sister and all that stuff Loosely. Yeah. Because that is something very intimate and sacred I know, for me at least. So just be mindful of that. And also, like I said, knowing your tribe. Like if I can't, I could promise you every single person in my tribe I could trust with my bank account in my pen, in my passport. That's true. And if I can't do that trust and believe, I do not call you part of my tribe. Right. So I feel like knowing that, and like you said, Knowing that person's heart, their heart's posture. Mm-hmm. that is super important because that trickles down to everything else in every single aspect and conversation and component that we've had of, of this conversation period. So I feel like that's really important. And then that helps, you know, have realistic expectations of what you, what you have of each friend. It's like, yeah, I know this person loves me to death, but just can't do that. And that's okay because a lot of these friendships are ruined and not only ruined, but also creates. Beef, whatever y'all want, whatever term y'all wanna use. And just unnecessary hate in this world. And it's just, it's not it. So I think just having grace and, and also just knowing your people and knowing yourself is super important. So that would be my takeaway in all of this for sure. And the best for last, wrap us up in a, a bow bre Literally I don't know if we've said this. but it, it, it dawned on me God sends you people to not only keep you company along their journey, but to help you get to your destination. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. There's times when he sends you people, like, I, like we talked about up here, you gotta discern the ones who are not meant to assist you and help you get to your journey. But there's also trusting. there are people that he sends. Mm-hmm. And how do you honor that? How do you lift them up? How do you keep them healthy? Because like anything in life, like a plant, you have to water it. Yeah. If you have a pet puppy, you have to feed it and take it out. Like you have to make sure that you nurture every component of, of, or every aspect of your life. Yeah. And that includes your friendships. Because truthfully, do you see all these women up. And for the listeners you can't see, but you can feel the women up here and you feel the power in the room. There's so much power in our tribe. There's so much power in the people that we call friends. So it's really truly a, a constant evaluation of. The people in your life and not necessarily an assessment where you're trying to test them. Right. Right. Because there's no right or wrong answer here. But more so like a dance. Mm-hmm. a dance. I think that that was one of my favorite things. Cool. And it's just a survey of how their actions match their words. Yeah. Okay. And then also I think if we could, charge you all with anything as well. It's just maybe ask yourself, do the people connected to you fully help you fulfill your purpose in life? Or are they hindering you from fulfilling your purpose in life? Mm-hmm. Um, it, I think it determines where you go ultimately. And maybe what are some better ways you can love on your tribe? What's some better ways that we can engage? What's some better ways you can build your tribe up. so that the people that they are just a genuine reflection of yourself. Mm-hmm. So I think that we can we can pause here. Now I meant to do the episode dedication, but I got so overwhelmed with these amazing and beautiful faces. This episode is going to be dedicated to my favorite. Most inspiring woman, I would say in history. Everyone knows her. She's most prominent for the Civil rights movement. Ms. Rosa Parks, well, she's really sore or, and she, I literally have a picture of her in my room because she just is a woman's woman. Like, you know how people are the, you know, we say girls girl. She's the woman's woman. She shows up, she showed up for Ms. Risi Taylor. I don't know if anyone knows. RISI Taylor. Risi Taylor was a young black woman in, I believe, from Alabama who was sexually assaulted by six white men. And Rosa actually traveled back and forth from where she was to accompany her in court when they wouldn't even let them in the courtroom because they were black. Mm-hmm. So she was just, A true trailblazer in so many different ways. I think we, we all know her from not giving up her seat on the bus, but if you start to dig into her history and her legacy, she really, really stood for women empowerment. So it's amazing that God led me to her right here. And I'm just so grateful to honor her. And lastly, we will do the crown her. Segment, which is going to go to the phenomenal Miss Mia Williams. She, she's been doing her thing with the colors of her success. Yes. She really has been truly blazing a trail. She really believes in inspiration through representation. She's. Partnered with a number of companies. She's moderating a number of conversations in terms of minority women, and you really should just check out her platform. She does career networking and career services, so check her out when you have an opportunity. The colors of her success, we will post her on our page. Love this. Anything else you, anyone would like to leave with? We love you. No, thank you. We love you so much. Love you. This was great. You was amazing. I love you all. 12 outta ten. Thank you. Thank you. It's a wrap. Till next time. Until next time. Yay.